Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
