what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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