Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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