i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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