do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
