I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
