I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
