yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
