The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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