HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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