Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
COCAINE IS GR8
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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