It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
