I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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