I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
soo... how was my night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
