well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
