he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
