Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
