I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
