yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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