i may or may not be watching the land before time
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
