He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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