me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
