He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
