yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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