yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
