So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
