I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
