Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
