next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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