Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
