wanna go halves on a baby?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
