The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
