I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
vagina is talking i cant
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
