If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
