I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
