Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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