How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
