we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
