His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
