toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
