the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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