I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
