from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
