she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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