I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
