just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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