Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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