I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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