Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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