You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
