I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
