She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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