That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
