Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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