just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
