Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
