Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
