Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
