I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
