i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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