The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
where are my eyebrows?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
