just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
