i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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