I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
