How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
