Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize