Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
