...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Come see our sink grown plant.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
