At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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