i just had sex bonerless
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
