I can text with my tongue
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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