I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
