What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
