Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
