i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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